I am so happy to be able to announce that
I am pregnant!!!!!!!! We found out on our 13th wedding anniversary (May 10th). I took one of Gabby's onesies and wrote "I'm a big sister" on it. I wrapped that up and gave it to Jason as an anniversary gift.
Just a few days before, we'd sat in a fertility specialist's office and were told we would need injectable fertility medications and an artificial insemination. The specialty pharmacy called me to set up payment and delivery time for our injectable meds. The total for the starting dose was going to be $1200 and and that did not include the ultrasounds, lab work, and the actual insemination. I knew we couldn't do it. So I told the pharmacy I wasn't going to order. Then I cried, thinking we were probably not going to be able to get pregnant or that we were in for another long journey. I was concerned about how I would hold up through another infertility struggle after already experiencing so much heartbreak. Little did I know, I was already pregnant. I was sitting in church on Mothers Day, watching the baby dedication ceremony and feeling sad that Gabby wasn't up there with the rest of those beautiful babies. I felt some strange pains and just figured we were facing another failed cycle of trying to conceive. The next day, I took a test and it was positive. Then I took another...and another...and another. I am still in shock. We've never been able to get pregnant in only 5 months! I went in for a couple of blood tests to confirm the pregnancy and make sure my HCG numbers were nice and strong. The test results have been great! Praise God!
Last night we told the girls. I was a little worried that they'd be apprehensive, but they weren't. They were squealing and jumping up and down like we'd just announced an upcoming trip to Disney World. I told them that what happened to Gabby does not usually happen and that their new baby brother or sister will probably live a long life. Of course, I couldn't promise them that (not after what we've been through), but I at least wanted to reassure them. Olivia began talking about all the things she would teach the new baby "if he/she lives long enough." It was hard to hear that phrase come out my 5-year-old's mouth, but I am thankful for the appreciation of life she now has.
When we first found out that we were expecting again, we thought about keeping it a complete secret from everyone until later on in the pregnancy. We thought we should wait until after the first doctor appt. Then we thought maybe we should wait until the 2nd trimester....or the 20 week ultrasound. We just kept thinking, "What if something happens?" I prayed about it. I weighed the pros and cons. And then I realized. After losing a child, there is really NEVER a "safe" point. Some assume after first seeing a baby's flickering heartbeat on an ultrasound screen that all will be okay. Some think that after a baby has reached the point of being able to survive outside the womb that he/she is guaranteed to be fine. And others assume that once a baby is born, all is well. For me, and anyone else who has lost a child, those assumptions no longer exist. Life is a gift that we are given from one second to the next. Nobody is guaranteed that next second. So Jason and I decided that we would share our wonderful news and be happy and excited today...right now. Sure, we don't know what tomorrow will bring. But who does? Only God.
We are so thankful for this miraculous "rainbow baby." God has blessed us in so many ways. Baby Merrick #4 is due in January 2011, and we are so anxious to meet him/her!
Gabby, you are a big sister, sweet girl!
