Choosing not to fling mud

It has been about 5 mos since I posted anything, but I have a few things I need to say today. It has been over 4 years since Gabby died, and it doesn't hurt any less. I'd like to say my life has been filled with lots of support since then, but it just isn't the case. Yes, I've had some and have been enormously grateful! But our family has faced a lot, so the support has been merely a drop in a very large bucket. Any mother who has ever watched her child die knows exactly what I mean. My life has been filled with many blessings, though. I now have FIVE amazing children that I adore! I have a home. My husband has a job. We have food to eat and vehicles that function (at least they do today LOL).

One of the most important things Gabby taught me was that there are things in life that really matter, and there are things in life that are just "junk" that serve to bring us down and cloud our view of God's plan. Going through everything I went through with Gabby (prenatal all the way to her death and the days beyond), I was given an opportunity to see many things clearly. The true colors of people in my life were quite vivid. Some were bright and amazing, bringing cheer and gentle love at a terrible time. Many of those colors were unexpected but so wonderful. Others were dark and repulsive, even the ones I'd expected to be quite the opposite.

Without going into details, I just need to say that God and Gabby give me the strength to remain true to myself and continue being a person of tact and decency. There are those in life who choose to get down in the mud and fling it everywhere in a pathetic attempt to salvage whatever is left of their "reputation", at the expense of their own self-respect. Those wolves in sheep's clothing need our prayers, as it has to be hard to look in the mirror every day after flinging so much mud. Those people remain in a perpetual state of denial and continually attempt to drag everyone down in the mud along with them. They are unable to look beyond their own need for attention and approval in order to do what is right and truthful. They show no tact and delight in the spotlight that their own dishonesty creates for them, at the expense of others. It is a sad, disheartening display of immaturity and self- absorption. They will continue to deceive and prey on the kindness of others who take the time to show them sympathy and a listening ear. They will, sadly, not care who they drag down along their path to make themselves appear victimized. They will go the extra mile to make sure their sheep suit is nice and clean, being sure to point it out to everyone around them. Their deceit will hurt others, but at the end of the day, they are the ones who will suffer the most.

Now, I say all this not to pretend I have never been one of those mud-flinging wolves. The truth is, we ALL have been guilty of it at one time or another. However, I choose to admit my fault, pray for God's forgiveness, and change my ways. I choose to stay out of that mud, no matter how much I would like to pull off the sheep suits of a few who try to drag me down. I choose to pray for those who continue to fling mud and for those who are so blinded by those shiny white sheep suits that they don't see all the mud and fangs beneath. I pray for the truth to be revealed, as God intends, so that those who make a habit of flinging mud may become free from the hate that keeps them from happiness.