Baby Lincoln

We had our 20 week ultrasound today (20w5d). Baby Lincoln (yes, definitely a boy) seems to be perfectly healthy. I certainly took that somewhat for granted with my first two and with Gabby, up to the point where I heard, "Your baby has major heart defects." But at today's ultrasound, I took nothing for granted. I held my breath through the ultrasound and asked the tech about a million questions. God blessed us with a very compassionate tech who took her time and was extremely understanding of our situation. When I saw that perfect heart with four perfect chambers, I couldn't help but get tears in my eyes. Jason says the tech was almost crying as well, but I didn't notice. I was too fixated on watching my little boy and feeling just a bit of sadness that Gabby's heart didn't look that way here on Earth. But there is no time to dwell on sadness; we have been blessed in so many ways. Next week, we'll have a fetal echocardiogram just to take a very close look at the heart because of Lincoln's increased risks, but I am very optimistic about what that will show. It was so wonderful to be able to tell McKenna and Olivia that their baby brother's heart is healthy. They know the importance of that all too well.

Lincoln has no markers for Down syndrome. While some might think a pregnant mother would be happy about that, I have to say that I am neither happy nor sad. I am so fortunate to realize that Down syndrome is not something to fear or dread. The worth of a person is not measured in chromosomes. I would have been thrilled to welcome another beautiful baby with Down syndrome.

Today we bought Lincoln's "going home" outfit, and for the first time I was not scared of getting something for him. I'm not quite ready to convert Gabby's room yet, but I know it will be possible in time.

I will start physical therapy for my back very soon.