I can't believe it has been a year since Gabby left us to be in Heaven. On the 20th, we visited her grave and put some Christmas flowers there. As I stood on her grave and put my hand on my very pregnant tummy, I thought of what a bittersweet moment it was. Lincoln would probably not be on his way if not for Gabby's passing. I don't have to tell you what wide range of emotions that thought brings forth.
Today I received a note from an online "friend" on a message board. It read:
"Hi, I just wanted to say that I was thinking of you as 11/20 came and went. I am so, so sorry for your loss. We had a cardiology appointment on Thursday and because of your little Gabby, I went in there prepared with a long list of questions that I never would have known to ask if it weren't for you and Gabby. I asked about pulmonary hypertension and the severity of it in Maddy's case. I asked about a heart cath and whether we could have one. I am much more educated from reading your posts. I have also learned that the Down syndrome is so small, so insignificant, in the grand scheme because I know you would give anything to have Gabby (and her Ds) back. I look back on my posts from when we first found out that Maddy was coming with T21 and I am shocked that I ever thought the Ds diagnosis would change my love for her. Reading your posts makes me cherish what I have. Your baby girl is up in heaven helping us, even those she never knew, and I am forever grateful to Gabby. She has done a great service to us and many others on the board. Tonight I will give Maddy an extra hug and whisper in her ear "that one is for Gabby". Thank you for everything. Angela and Maddy"
It is notes like this one that help to keep me sharing Gabby's story despite the difficult emotions it causes me to face. If her story makes even a tiny bit of a difference, it is worth going through the pain of telling it over and over and even being ridiculed for it.
An update on Mr. Lincoln....
I had an OB appt. last week. I am due for another ultrasound to check fluid levels and everything else, but I'll have to wait until after Thanksgiving due to scheduling. I am measuring 2 weeks ahead, so I think Lincoln is still larger than average. His heart rate was high at my appt. (over 190), but I think he was just agitated from the nurse chasing him with the doppler. He was kicking a lot. His heart rate finally dropped to 160, and he seemed to calm down.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It isn't easy.
Some days, the online advocacy that I do can really take its toll. Every day I "talk" to women who are considering aborting their baby with Down syndrome. Some have already made their appointment for the procedure. That is really difficult for me hear about. I hear them give all sorts of reasons for making the choice they made. The most common reason I hear is, "It's my body and MY choice." I don't understand this. What about the body of the precious baby they are carrying inside? The abortion will affect that child more than anyone else, after all. Why doesn't the baby have the choice? And why would a mother give more value to her own life than the life of her child? Even if a person does not believe in God, doesn't this go against basic human instinct?
I also read about a lot of excuses for abortion. Often women say...
*I cannot handle a baby with special needs.
*Keeping him wouldn't be fair to my other children.
*We have a very busy life and just wouldn't have time for her.
*He would suffer and I am just doing what is best for him.
*I cannot afford to take care of a baby with special needs.
*I didn't choose this.
The excuses go on and on. They are all ridiculous in my opinion. NOBODY starts out equipped to handle a child with special needs. We are given the strength to do this a little at a time. And any extra expenses for children with special needs are most usually covered by some sort of assistance. Even for those who make too much to qualify, there are Medicaid waivers that can provide health coverage for those with Down syndrome. There are resources out there, but many people refuse to acknowledge that because it easier to say, "I just can't do it." And there is a waiting list of around 200 people in the US, ready to adopt a baby with Down syndrome. So if a woman truly believes she cannot handle it, there are others waiting to provide a loving home for her baby.
And what about siblings? Why is it "unfair" to them to have a brother or sister with Down syndrome? Do people really assume their child will be so uncaring as an adult that they would not want to care for their own brother or sister if it became necessary? Do people assume the child without Down syndrome has more of a right to life? How can a mother choose one of her children over another and then attempt to justify that choice? What will the surviving child say one day when he/she finds out a sibling was killed because the mother thought it would make the surviving child's life easier? Talk about burdens! That's a pretty big one to place on someone! Personally, I would be very angry if my mother told me she killed one of my siblings in order to give me a "normal" life.
Do people with Down syndrome suffer? Sure they do. But so does everyone else. Suffering is all around us, unfortunately. Even the healthiest of individuals can become critically ill at any moment and suffer great pain. I think many people have this idea that those with Down syndrome will suffer because they are different. I think that is an emotion that is projected onto those with Down syndrome by those who do not have bonus chromosomes. So many people think being different from the majority is some terrible affliction, but that idea seems to be born from a person's own fear of standing out.
In doing my advocacy, I share Gabby's story over and over. Most of the time, people are very receptive to it even if they do not think I made the right choice by not aborting. However, occasionally there is someone who feels the need to say very hurtful things. Just yesterday, a woman who does not know yet whether her unborn child has Down syndrome or not mocked my story of Gabby. She accused me of having an "agenda" and not caring about her because I had shared Gabby's story and given her some info about the Down syndrome adoption program in Ohio. The woman has fairly low odds for having a baby with Down syndrome, but she is behaving as though she has been given a positive diagnosis. She stated that she would abort if given a prenatal diagnosis. She went on to blame her doctor, saying her doctor was "like me" and had told her how wonderful it is to have a child with Down syndrome (of course the woman assumes this is a lie). The woman said the doctor had not been supportive of her need to find out quickly whether or not her baby has Down syndrome. So the woman is blaming her doctor for "forcing" her to make a decision (if she actually gets a DS diagnosis) about termination when she is almost 20 weeks along. Apparently, the woman views termination as "horrible" at this point in pregnancy, but she thinks it is totally fine when done earlier. I tried to provide the woman with some info that would clear up some of the concerns she had (the reasons for choosing abortion), but she was totally unreceptive and has obviously made up her mind. She is using excuses to justify her decision and hiding behind those excuses. While I DO care about this woman and her struggles, I also care about her unborn child. So perhaps I do have an "agenda" - one that includes advocating for the innocent baby she is carrying. The woman also stated that she did not want to miscarry if she was carrying a "healthy" baby. Apparently, she would be fine with miscarrying if her baby has DS. Many people online came to defend this woman and her choice. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to have any problem with her mocking me and the story of Gabby. Obviously, this woman has never lost a child and is apparently not seeking God's guidance in any way. I am very sad for her and for her child, and I will be praying for them both. It is very hard for me to be mocked in that way, but I cannot let it stop me. For every one person that says hurtful things and tunes out everything I have to say, there are at least a dozen who listen and appreciate hearing Gabby's story. I receive notes every week from women telling me how much Gabby's story helped them deal with either a possible or confirmed diagnosis. Some of them have actually changed their mind about abortion BECAUSE of Gabby's story. God is using Gabby's story to reach many people, and I feel blessed that He is using me as the storyteller.
Please continue to pray for me as I try to advocate on a daily basis. It most certainly isn't easy.
I also read about a lot of excuses for abortion. Often women say...
*I cannot handle a baby with special needs.
*Keeping him wouldn't be fair to my other children.
*We have a very busy life and just wouldn't have time for her.
*He would suffer and I am just doing what is best for him.
*I cannot afford to take care of a baby with special needs.
*I didn't choose this.
The excuses go on and on. They are all ridiculous in my opinion. NOBODY starts out equipped to handle a child with special needs. We are given the strength to do this a little at a time. And any extra expenses for children with special needs are most usually covered by some sort of assistance. Even for those who make too much to qualify, there are Medicaid waivers that can provide health coverage for those with Down syndrome. There are resources out there, but many people refuse to acknowledge that because it easier to say, "I just can't do it." And there is a waiting list of around 200 people in the US, ready to adopt a baby with Down syndrome. So if a woman truly believes she cannot handle it, there are others waiting to provide a loving home for her baby.
And what about siblings? Why is it "unfair" to them to have a brother or sister with Down syndrome? Do people really assume their child will be so uncaring as an adult that they would not want to care for their own brother or sister if it became necessary? Do people assume the child without Down syndrome has more of a right to life? How can a mother choose one of her children over another and then attempt to justify that choice? What will the surviving child say one day when he/she finds out a sibling was killed because the mother thought it would make the surviving child's life easier? Talk about burdens! That's a pretty big one to place on someone! Personally, I would be very angry if my mother told me she killed one of my siblings in order to give me a "normal" life.
Do people with Down syndrome suffer? Sure they do. But so does everyone else. Suffering is all around us, unfortunately. Even the healthiest of individuals can become critically ill at any moment and suffer great pain. I think many people have this idea that those with Down syndrome will suffer because they are different. I think that is an emotion that is projected onto those with Down syndrome by those who do not have bonus chromosomes. So many people think being different from the majority is some terrible affliction, but that idea seems to be born from a person's own fear of standing out.
In doing my advocacy, I share Gabby's story over and over. Most of the time, people are very receptive to it even if they do not think I made the right choice by not aborting. However, occasionally there is someone who feels the need to say very hurtful things. Just yesterday, a woman who does not know yet whether her unborn child has Down syndrome or not mocked my story of Gabby. She accused me of having an "agenda" and not caring about her because I had shared Gabby's story and given her some info about the Down syndrome adoption program in Ohio. The woman has fairly low odds for having a baby with Down syndrome, but she is behaving as though she has been given a positive diagnosis. She stated that she would abort if given a prenatal diagnosis. She went on to blame her doctor, saying her doctor was "like me" and had told her how wonderful it is to have a child with Down syndrome (of course the woman assumes this is a lie). The woman said the doctor had not been supportive of her need to find out quickly whether or not her baby has Down syndrome. So the woman is blaming her doctor for "forcing" her to make a decision (if she actually gets a DS diagnosis) about termination when she is almost 20 weeks along. Apparently, the woman views termination as "horrible" at this point in pregnancy, but she thinks it is totally fine when done earlier. I tried to provide the woman with some info that would clear up some of the concerns she had (the reasons for choosing abortion), but she was totally unreceptive and has obviously made up her mind. She is using excuses to justify her decision and hiding behind those excuses. While I DO care about this woman and her struggles, I also care about her unborn child. So perhaps I do have an "agenda" - one that includes advocating for the innocent baby she is carrying. The woman also stated that she did not want to miscarry if she was carrying a "healthy" baby. Apparently, she would be fine with miscarrying if her baby has DS. Many people online came to defend this woman and her choice. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to have any problem with her mocking me and the story of Gabby. Obviously, this woman has never lost a child and is apparently not seeking God's guidance in any way. I am very sad for her and for her child, and I will be praying for them both. It is very hard for me to be mocked in that way, but I cannot let it stop me. For every one person that says hurtful things and tunes out everything I have to say, there are at least a dozen who listen and appreciate hearing Gabby's story. I receive notes every week from women telling me how much Gabby's story helped them deal with either a possible or confirmed diagnosis. Some of them have actually changed their mind about abortion BECAUSE of Gabby's story. God is using Gabby's story to reach many people, and I feel blessed that He is using me as the storyteller.
Please continue to pray for me as I try to advocate on a daily basis. It most certainly isn't easy.
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