Waiting for Lincoln

Last week brought an interesting change to this pregnancy. I had already been struggling with pelvic bone issues and having a lot of trouble getting around. I guess my bones were just a complete mess because scooting forward in the bathtub resulted in an injury to my tailbone. I heard and felt a loud crack/pop sound and it hurt quite a bit. I was okay until I tried to stand up to get out of the tub, and then I broke out into a sweat, got really dizzy, and thought I was going to vomit. Somehow I got myself to my bed. Thankfully Jason was already on his way home. I called the on-call OB for the first time during this pregnancy and he said I should go to the hospital to be admitted. Obviously, that's not an ideal thing when one has 2 other little ones to care for and a husband working to meet a big work deadline. So I asked the doc if there was anything else I could do. He said I could take pain meds, try to stay comfortable at home overnight, and then go to his office the next morning for an orthopedic eval. I hated so much to take the pain meds, as I've tried to avoid all meds with this pregnancy. BUT...I had to have them and the doc said it was safe. A pregnant mom being in a lot of pain isn't good for the baby.

Still unable to walk, I called the doc's office the next morning. A different doc was there and said there was nothing that could be done for a broken tailbone. He advised me to stay home on full bed rest and keep taking the pain meds. The nurse said, "Go to the hospital to be admitted if it gets 'too bad." Well....what is "too bad?" Not being able to walk? Not being able to go to the bathroom without help? Not being able to care for myself? Ughhh! I got reeealllly frustrated with different directions from different docs.

After a couple of days, the pain lessened and I was able to walk with my cane and walker, with the most painful thing being going from a sitting to standing position. But it no longer made me feel like passing out; it just hurt a lot. Jason was off work for Christmas and was great about bringing me meals and making sure I got to rest. What a husband I have!

Yesterday was my weekly checkup and ultrasound. I am almost 37 weeks along! Jason took me and helped get around while I was there. After sitting in the waiting room for an hour and 15 minutes (GRRRR!), I was finally called back. I was NOT happy, as sitting is very painful. I sat on my coat part of the time and stood up for a while also. I was in a lot of pain by the time I was taken back for ultrasound. Thankfully, Lincoln seems to be perfectly fine despite a major lack of movement for 2 days (may be due to the pain meds). He has turned and is HEAD-DOWN!!!! So, this means I can hopefully have a vaginal birth and avoid a return trip to the OR. My belly is measuring 38 weeks, and Lincoln is estimated to weigh 6 lbs. 10 oz. already! My amniotic fluid level is great, and that's a huge relief since this is the point at which it pretty much vanished while pregnant with Gabby. My blood pressure remains excellent and was 102/64.

After the ultrasound, we had to go back to the waiting room for another 15 minutes or so. Then, I was taken back to the exam room where I had to wait (with nothing but a sheet on from the waist down) for nearly 40 minutes! Sitting on an exam table with a tailbone injury is...very difficult. I stood up as much as I could, but the pressure from standing was making me nauseated and dizzy. FINALLY, I was seen. I made it pretty clear that I was in a lot of pain and the doc said I needed an orthopedic eval. She examined me and told me I am 1 CM dilated and 50% effaced. It's not much, but it's great for 36 weeks and means my body is gearing up for labor. Because of the pain and disability factor, the doc offered to check Lincoln's lungs via amnio for maturity and schedule an immediate c-section. I declined. I DO NOT want a repeat c-section. I realize my last one was made a little more complicated by all the stress of having a baby with lots of health issues in the NICU and worrying about her future. BUT, recovering from a c-section with all the orthopedic problems I have would be harder than recovering from a vaginal delivery. So, I am praying that Lincoln stays head-down and that my body does what it is supposed to since I cannot be induced. I may have to struggle through a couple more weeks of pain and immobility, but that's a small price to pay.

After my exam, I was sent over to the orthopedic doc and he did a physical exam. He said my tailbone may or may not be broken but probably is because of the crack/pop sound I heard. However, he did not feel comfortable doing a MRI or x-ray and said the only thing I can do is take pain meds and stay off my feet. He advised using a doughnut cushion for sitting, but sitting is painful, so I am not doing much of that. Right now, I am using a Boppy breastfeeding pillow to sit at my computer. It works fairly well. The doc said I may break my tailbone again during delivery, but it would not be paralyzing or anything like that. He advised that I get an epidural and not try to give birth naturally. I had hoped to do that this time since epidurals never really worked well for me anyway and they always ended up turning them off during labor.

Hopefully about 6 weeks after delivery, I can go back for a MRI and then start physical therapy to try to get my pelvic bones back to where they haven't been in over 8 years. I don't know how that is going to be possible since I'll have a baby that I cannot take to appointments, but I hope to figure it out and finally take care of this issue.

Please keep us in your prayers. It may be a long few weeks, and Jason cannot be off work due to his deadline coming up.

Baby Lincoln Update and More

I will be 33 weeks along on Friday. Yesterday, I had an ultrasound and doctor appt. Lincoln is estimated to weigh 4 lbs. and 12 oz. My huge baby belly is measuring 36.5 weeks. My fluid level was a little lower than last time, but it is still okay (YAY!). Little Mr. Lincoln is totally breech. Technically, he still has time to turn and get into the head-down position. But since I have SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction...a separated pelvis), he is less likely to turn. I DO NOT want another c-section, but if Lincoln doesn't turn, there will be no alternative. The doctors will not attempt to turn a baby after the mother has had a c-section, especially a recent c-section.

My back/pelvic issues are worsening as Lincoln grows. By yesterday afternoon, I could not walk. My cane just wasn't helping. It's funny how much we take walking for granted until we can't do it. For a couple of months now, my mobility has been very limited. When that issue is added to needing to take care of a house and 2 children with some minor special needs, it's not a pretty picture. I cannot take the pain medicine that would help my back. While the girls are in school and that does help, I still have tutus to make and have to manage to take care of myself. Just getting to the bathroom is a challenge. Every step I take comes with pain - sometimes enough pain that I get tears in my eyes and feel nauseated. Most of the time, I can push through it. But sometimes my back just won't cooperate. When the girls are home, it is much harder. I daydream about having a housekeeper and someone to help with the girls. Ahhhhh...it's a nice dream.

The girls are going through a lot, and we're really struggling with trying to get them the help they need. We're not sure if Olivia's issues are due to concerns over having another baby in the home and worrying about losing him too or if she has something else wrong. I could write pages and pages about all the problems the girls are having, but instead I will just say that every day is extremely challenging. It's a continual struggle to get them the testing and treatment they need. I feel like I am pushing my head against a brick wall because of problems with insurance and other things. Lately, I've been realizing that Gabby's death affected them more than I thought. McKenna's anxiety is escalating, and I am doing everything I can to help her. I am worried about her physical health as well. She often goes from bouncing off the walls to being lethargic and saying, "I'm tired" over and over. She seems to shut down and we don't always know why. Tomorrow we're taking both girls to Louisville to a pediatric cardiologist. Due to some symptoms Olivia had as an infant and the chance of the girls having a congenital heart issue (because Gabby did and several other family members too), Gabby's cardiologist once recommended that we have both girls evaluated. I will not take them to Gabby's cardiologist in Lexington, for personal reasons, so we're heading to Louisville. When I spoke with the nurse there and told her about Gabby and our other family history of congenital heart defects, she said both girls will be having an echocardiogram. I hope this will simply be a precautionary measure that will result in a perfect cardiac report for both girls. The girls are naturally a little anxious about the appt. because of what Gabby went through. They went to some of Gabby's appointments and saw her having EKGs and echos. I cannot help but worry about how they might associate a trip to the cardiologist with a negative outcome. I have been using my best child development skills (thank you, college!) to find the necessary psychological approach to help ease their fears about their appointment. Please pray for my girls. They need lots and lots of prayers. And Jason and I need lots of prayers to help us parent them in a way that is best for them. I know their special needs are not major, but they are enough to affect every aspect of life for our entire family - a family that is grieving and dealing with a lot of other major life problems.