Missing Gabby

Today as I held Lincoln, I thought of how Gabby had worn the same little sleeper just days before she died. We have put away most of her clothes, but we kept a few gender-neutral things out for Lincoln to use. It took me a while to decide whether or not I wanted to do that. And today, as I was holding him, I was glad I'd made the decision to let him use a few of her things. I just wish she could be here to meet Lincoln. I am so sad that Lincoln will not know one of his big sisters in this lifetime.

Having Lincoln here has also made the girls think even more of Gabby. They talk about her almost daily and recall various memories of times spent with her. They often make comments about whether or not Lincoln will live to walk, talk, ride a bike, etc. I know it must be very confusing for them, and I wish so much they did not have the doubts they have. But that's just the way it is now, and I have to be ready to answer whatever questions they have and try to reassure them as best I can.

I came across this poem today, and it really hit close to home:

“Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
–Author Unknown